Thank you to everyone who attended the recent Moving kids and teens from anxiety to resilience session with guest speaker Dr Jodi Richardson. Dr Jodi Richardson is the author of ‘Anxious Kids’, ‘Anxious Mums’ and host of the ‘Well, hello anxiety’ podcast.
Jodi has provided this information sheet for parents to refer back to the key points from her presentation. The following is an article Jodi has shared with our community to offer a few tips to ease the difficulty of school drop-off and other circumstances where parents have to say goodbye to their children.
When goodbyes are hard, it’s distressing for everyone. Our child might cling to us, cry or plead, ‘Please don’t go’, and we’ll often see all of these when it comes time to say goodbye. It pulls at our heartstrings, even if the signs are more subtle and they have a reluctant acceptance about parting ways.
Our instinct is to comfort our child and to wait until they feel better before saying goodbye. However, as you’ve probably noticed, lingering prolongs the anxiety for them and for us.
I’ve been there, I’ve seen this play out for other parents, and I know what helps. The following are helpful strategies to ease the upset and reduce anxiety when it comes to saying goodbye:
- Establish a Goodbye Routine
Creating a consistent goodbye routine can help your child feel more secure. Whether it's a special hug or high-five, a predictable routine can give them a sense of control and comfort.
- Settle Your Own Anxiety
Children are highly perceptive and often pick up on our emotions. If you appear calm and confident, your child will feel more assured. Find a grounding strategy that works for you. One idea is to slow your breathing and lengthen your exhale for a few cycles.
- Be Brief but Loving
While it's important to acknowledge your child's feelings, lengthy goodbyes can make the situation more difficult. Keep your goodbye short and sweet. Give them a warm hug, express your love and remind them of the fun activities they will do while you're apart.
- Trust the Caregiver
Show your child that you trust the person you are leaving them with. If they see that you are confident in their caregiver's ability to take care of them, they’re more likely to feel safe and secure in their presence.
- Practice Short Separations
Gradually getting your child used to being apart from you can help reduce anxiety. Start with short separations and gradually increase the duration. This can help your child build confidence and realise that they can cope without you for a while.
- Acknowledge Their Feelings
Let your child know that it's okay to feel anxious and that their feelings are valid. Empathise with them, saying things like, ‘I know it's hard to say goodbye, but I’ll be back at school pick-up time (for example), and I can’t wait to hear all about your day.’
- Focus on the Positive
Highlight the positive aspects of the separation. Talk about the fun activities they will do or the friends they will see. Shift the focus from the goodbye to the exciting experiences awaiting them.
With patience, consistency, empathy and a lot of love, you can help your child navigate these feelings and grow more confident in their ability to separate over time.
Jodi Richardson
Guest speaker at Carey parent event, Moving kids and teens from anxiety to resilience
